"Hmm... I wonder if they will be happy to see me again... No, they’ve probably forgotten me, and I don’t want to disturb them!!"
🌑 Hey everyone, 🌑
It's been a while, huh? I wonder how I'm doing... to be honest, I'm really not sure. I made a little drawing to explain a bit about what I've been feeling lately. I think no one really noticed my absence...
As this drawing says, these last few months have been tough. Being alone in the dark, with my dark thoughts, has been... complicated. I’ve just been getting through each day, hoping for a return to normal. When things finally started to lighten up a bit, I was happy, but being surrounded by people who constantly put me down has drained me. Before this period, I was in a toxic environment, and when I was isolated due to the floods, I started to regret a lot of things. I realized I wasn't good, like so many people had told me.
When I finally got back on the internet after a long time without electricity, I was in a bad state. I made a first post to signal my absence, but everyone ignored it. At that point, my phone was already dead, and with the rising water around my house, I no longer had the electricity needed to charge it. So I was alone in the dark, unable to communicate. When I finally managed to get electricity and charge my phone, I made another post to grab attention, but I felt sad seeing that with all this, I was invisible. Just me asking myself questions: "I hope they know I won't be around." But well, I guess no one really noticed.
When I regained electricity but still didn't have internet access, I was in a bad state. I tried to use that time to improve my drawing and animation skills, but I realized I hadn’t made much progress. I also attempted to create a 'shitpost' game using RPG Maker, but I didn't have any ideas. It was a follower who suggested the story about Mikie when I asked if anyone had suggestions: 'Miku is angry because she didn't get any chips, so she sends someone into a virtual world, and that person is Mikie...' (yes, Mikie from FNF). The battle system is literally the same as in Undertale, and sometimes I wonder if RPG Maker is really meant for this. Actually, it is possible; it’s just that I installed RPG Maker about seven days ago and have been watching tutorials to do simple things
this is how this shit looks like if someone care
" osaka join the party !"
OK TIME TO STOP BC ITS UGLY
Speaking of the Mikie mod, I realized that progress happens when everyone is motivated, but right now, I'm struggling to find people to create new sprites and rewrite the story. I often feel ignored, even when I'm willing to pay for the work. After crying like a baby (yeah, I know, it’s a little annoying), I managed to find a new sprite for Mikie, which is a good step forward. However, I know I’ll probably face challenges again in finding a suitable background and other elements.
I keep hoping for a Mikie mod in 2025, but without any real hope. I really need people who are interested, but my shyness holds me back from reaching out, even to those I know would support me. The fear of bothering others stops me, and I hesitate to express myself. I hate being this way, especially when I think about the stress of asking, 'Wanna work on my FNF mod?' I really don’t want to be annoying like that again lol.
oh and mikie from husokabe harmony... huh.. sams issue no idea i forgot idk how to write HELP.
To be honest, I’ve been drawing hoping to improve, but I still feel like a failure. This month, I managed to produce three animations, but even with that effort, I feel like I accomplished nothing truly satisfying. I'm going through this period of chronic fatigue; it’s hard.
And as for the coming year... I'm lost. It will be my true year as a NEET, without school or direction. I see this year as an emptiness. I don't even care about much anymore, but I feel like I don't have that spark that motivated me to get up in the morning. 2025 already seems disenchanted.
CONCLUSION
I wish you all a happy end of the year, but I'm going to try to take a step back from toxic relationships. This moment has made me realize something crucial: "I'm back. The floods are behind me, and I finally have electricity. Being alone in the dark has highlighted my solitude. I want to surround myself with people who truly care about me."
And now, I’m going to respond to all my DMs and the art trades I've really let slide.
Take care of yourselves…!
and i guess someone here even if i dont feel like it someone care for me huh ?
